1. Must the bride wear a big white dress?
2. Ok, so she did. Why not wear comfortable shoes underneath? We cant see them.
3. Must the hungry children be kept waiting for food like everyone else? Why not feed them quick and put them out of their misery?
4. What is wrong with entertaining said children with a jumping castle or a chubby magician? Maybe a clown? My brother thinks a camel ride would be kinda cool. I think he's onto something.
5. Must all the couples' uncles and aunties be given the mic to give advice? Its the same story over and over again. "Cherish your husband, fend for your wife, carry this kiondo".
6. About that kiondo, auntie Nani cannot see that it is ruining the back of the wedding dress? Auntie Nani!!!!!!!
7. Must the flowergirls have itchy clothes? Anyone who has ever been one knows what that stiff netty mesh giving the pretty material its voluminous look feels like. Ok, should the sun shine, can someone please release the little angels from the bondage of knit stockings and silly gloves?
8. Gloves. Why?
9. Must there be flower girls, and maids, and groomsmen in the first place?
10. Ok, so we have them, why cant the cost of clothes and shoes to dress them be added to the budget? I am yet to find a "maid" giddy to the marrow about the expensive, but unsalvagable outfit they had to pay dearly for.
11. Must the bride and groom hold hands and be attached at the hip throughout the ceremony? I mean, how many times do you get to see all your friends and relatives in one place? Why not take the time to enjoy them?
12. Why can't the wedding dress have pockets?
13. When was the last time you saw a bride in a sweater? Kwani they don't feel cold?
14. Does anyone know the genious who came up with the grand idea that members of the wedding committee must contribute an arm and a leg to sit in the committee? God help that member who also happens to be a "maid". Pole dada. The universe feels your pain.
15. Can you refuse? For real, is it very rude to say "no thanks" when called upon to be in the committee or bridal party? What if you are broke? Or have better things to do with your money? What if its against your religion to spend 9,000 shillings on a hedious purple dress with shiny buttons and zero salvageability potential, can you say so? Can you tell I have a few of these in my closet?
16. What's the deal with the high table getting different (read better) food than the rest of the guests?
17. Is it ok to smack the bride to be for insisting you loose weight to simamia HER wedding?
18. Can we shika her ngeta for demanding that any "maid" with natural hair must perm/relax it for the event?
19. Is it too drastic to spit in her eye, cut her off and throw away her number for suggesting that the "maids" sleep sitted up in arm chairs on the eve of the wedding so as not to mess up their freshly done hair?!?!?!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 whoosahhhhh...........
9 comments:
Ha ha! Excellent post, and questions I have often asked myself. Actually, I just heard of a brave, pioneering woman who just "quit" being a bridesmaid. She resigned. Walked away.
A legend in our time.
(Welcome to blogging, by the way!)
This post really rocked. I have wedded with some of that maridadi, yet I can't help but agree.
After being a perpetual flower girl and 'maid', I have a lot to say about the subject. Time will heal my wounds.
lol...nice post.
Might apply some of this in the future.
I look ofrward to the day when its polite to decline the offer to be a maid or a bridesmaid.
another LOL
16. What's the deal with the high table getting different (read better) food than the rest of the guests?
I have seen this happen before and my wasnt I pissed off!
Ati the crowd is eating some bad pilau and the high table is munching on ngoks..... bad manners!
Nyeuithi i agree 100% to the list posted and allow me to populate the list further.
20. What is that tediously long time between the wedding and the reception - so called photo time? I'm convinced the couple has gone for a quick shag, no? None of that pre-marital sex guilt.
21. Why don't weddings ever start on time (must be the aunties demanding stuff from the groom the morning of the wedding) and why do they take forever.
22. Why do weddings end so unceremoniously. If it wasn't for the shifting of chairs and the traffic jam that inevitably follows, we would never know the damn thing is done.
23. Pre-wedding parties? WHAT!!!
24. Why isn't there a place in Kenya that can rent out a decent P.A system that will not have the master/mistress of ceremony sounding like he/she just broke his/her voice. That's when it works.
25. Is there a special training institution for the above mentioned master of ceremony? If so it needs to be shut down and the curriculumn revised.
26.If the couple has not recieved marital advice before the wedding please feel free to send an email, sms or call after the ceremony. The reception is not the platform for this sport. Those of us who do not want, need or care for this advice are now bored to death.
27.Who the f@%# is the maid of honour? And why should i have a stranger re-arranging my big fluffy wedding dress as oppossed to having my home girl gossiping about my aunt's weave or the knee-high stockings we can see under her newly bought cream suit.
28. Why! Oh Why! Are females of different shapes and sizes forced to wear the same outfits. We all know eventually one of them will look like a beer barrel while the other looks like a HB pencil.
29. Should you buy me big or bulky furniture such as a bed or fridge, I shall without a doubt send you the largest thank you card. But plese desist from forcing 3 or 4 young men attending the wedding to haul it to the reception ground.
30. I AM NOT MAKING THAT BED!!!
31. Should anyone decide to get married this year and be so unfortunate as to have politicians in your family, prepare yourself for the turning of your reception and the PA system into a campaign slot.
33. Is it rude for the bride to take a cigarette break? Just 5 minutes i promise. Or join her girls at the bar for a shot?
34. Why must the happy matrimonial ceremony bu such a dent to the bank account. Do you think the government might consider a tax rebate for this ceremony. Let me ask my MP.
35. And finally why must the wedding cake be so heavy laden with that yucky, hard, diabetes inducing, sore throat causing cardboard posing as cream? We all know the flower girl and the page boy who it was intended for will only end up throwing it at each other!
What is the purpose of a wedding? To solemnise a marriage full stop. And yes you can say no to being a member of the committee/bridal party unless the bride or the groom are very close relatives and there you are s
tuck with it!
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