I wonder......

I have brothers. Big ones. Literally. So growing up was, for lack of a better word, challenging. By the time my sisters and I were dating we understood that it was not going to be a smooth ride. We could like boys, but the moment our brothers sniffed them out, balaa! Initially it annoyed us, but with time we realized that they meant no harm. They just wanted to protect us. So we developed a system.

Step 1: Acknowledge your crush on so and so
Step 2: Invite so and so over to the house
Step 3: Leave so and so with brothers for a bit
Step 4: Return to discover the fate of so and so.

I cannot count how many times we came back and found that the young man in question had fled the scene. Over time this routine became something of a sport. A pass time for my dear brothers and eventually their friends. I remember mentioning to my brother that I was coming back with a so and so to watch a movie and finding all his boys gathered around patiently. Ati, "we were waiting for you and your friend so we can start the movie". Enough said. I excused myself and left. After what I thought was enough time for the slaughter to be over, I returned. So and so was nestled in the midst of the boys cracking up like a hyaena with the rest of them. There was no room for my behind so I retreated into the kitchen barely catching the "si you make chips" from my brother.

My favourite incident with a so and so still cracks us all up to date. The young man was out to impress and ready to do whatever was necessary. He was a go getter (love that term). Anyway, he insisted that instead of me leaving the house to go and meet him, he would find his way to my house.

So I gave so and so directions to our house. The directions went something like this: "Take a number 33, 36 or 41 bus. Do not enter a matatu. Our route is not for taking matatus. Enter a KBS. I mean it. Otherwise you're by yourself. Those things can give you tetanus. And they go where they want. Enter a KBS. Ok, go all the way to the estate. When you get to the market, start counting the estate entrances on the right. Ours in the 5th one. There is a stage at the kiosks. Shuka there. Walk in through the gate, turn left. At the dead end, go right, ours is the last house on the right on that lane. House number XXX." I thought I had done a good job, for a zone with no street signs. In any case, once inside the estate he could look for the house number.

Our date was for 1 pm. I knew the earliest my brothers would be home was 4pm and since I liked this guy I wanted to spare him the agony until after we had at least hang out. Let him enjoy peace and tranquility kidogo before being confronted with the obstacles. I borrowed a movie, cooked lunch and sat down to pass time watching Channel O. By 2.30 I had retreated to my bedroom to fold the clothes mother had been hustling me about. I assumed I had been stood up and proceeded to be busy. At 3.00 my eldest brother walked into my bedroom shaking his head and bearing a sad look on his face. I will forever remember the words he spoke. "Weh, Nyeuthi, there's a chap at the door in a black velvet mbwenya. He says he's your friend. Begin by rehydrating that chap with a glass of cold water. Please." (btw, mbwenya = jacket)

When I found so and so, he was inside the house, standing at the foot of the stairs, leaning against the wall for support. His face was shining like the sun and when he finally removed his mbwenya the sweat soaked dress shirt underneath was revealed. Brother dearest was right, the first thing this my friend needed was a glass of water. He didn’t say much for the first 15 minutes. I decided to give him time. After a while, brother joined us. I knew it was not because he wanted to chat, or even to give the young man a hard time. After a long silence he asked so and so, "A chap, what are you doing? Do you know how hot it is outside? Well, clearly you do? Then why would you wear a black velvet mbwenya? And how far have you walked?"

Ok, this storo brings a lot of laughter to the family now, but that day it was not funny. That fellow could not have picked a hotter, dustier day to walk like he did. Apparently my emphasis on "NO MATATU" was not clearly understood. So as I predicted, his bearings got all messed up when he was deposited in the general locality of his destination, but on the wrong side of the market. Disaster. The great trek thus began. According to him, he didn’t remember which entrance to take, so he decided to enter every single one, walk around looking for house # XXX and/or ask around for kina Nyeuthi's place. Two hours later and kadha estates under his belt, he found our watchie who mercifuly pointed at our gate. My brother was just walking in when he got there. You know the rest.

Nothing really came of that crush. My brother told me later that he had mad respect for 'that chap'. Apparently he went above and beyond the call of duty. He says if it had been him in the same shoes he would have gone back home, or found a call box. I also think that would have been the prudent thing to do. Call me and ask for help. Even if he had done everything the same, he really should have removed the mbwenya. I wonder why he didn’t do that one thing.